don’t trump us women, again


A silver lining of Trump as the republican nominee was that he boasted and embodied the inky underbelly of our United States: bigotry, lies, racism, homophobia and sexism.

With the latter, he exposed what is often invisible to men (and some women, too): a deep hatred of women. Leading up to the election, many male friends (in life and on FB) registered how often they’ve heard or witnessed similar Trump-like sentiments usually when women aren’t present. Many sympathized. Some even admitted to long ago participation, and apologized. Apologized for things they hadn’t quite recognized because it’s so prevalent and praised in how we raise males, and: they’re not on the other side of it—unless they’re gay, that is. Homophobia has everything to do with not being ‘manly.’ It has everything to do with misogyny. What’s the primary painful pejorative for boys/men? You pussy! Fighting words!

Some of us (both genders) did vote for Hillary because she has a vagina even if she was not our valentine. Why? Because the world has been sorely out of balance since the Neolithic Era in terms of male/female energies. It’s long past time. White males have had infinity to do it ‘right’ and yet…

We just wanted a turn. We weren’t even asking for 50/50, more like a slight tip toward the feminine at—hopefully—30/70.

I knew that ANY male who ran against Clinton would beat her. ANY male. This piece I wrote in 2011 discusses race vs. gender in politics:  in the USA, black men got the vote before white women. Sexism always surpasses racism because of its insidious invisible ubiquity eclipsing all nations/races; women live everywhere.

So I believed that any man could win EXCEPT Trump. Because he didn’t just admit to his venom—fill in his dirty laundry list of intolerance and his conclusion that women’s only value is sexual—he bragged about it! He bombasted the shit out of it. He said he could shoot somebody ! and not lose any voters. And he was right.

Yet…none of us are going away, to whatever imagined place ‘away’ would be. Not happening. Sorry/not sorry! The right-wingers may have helped divide us with the Bernie/Hillary/third-party click-bait but I believe we have each others’ backs now no matter who we voted for. Divisiveness won’t win today.

But…less than three days after the election, I again see and hear commentary from defensive white dudes: “not ALL men” and “could we ease up on blaming white males.”

We can’t change any issue—within or without—unless we can identify and name the cause. [see: men can ‘hate’ patriarchy, too] Both women and men are naming it:

  • The world is in this state due to the imbalance of female to male energies.
  • White men are the primary drivers of this lopsidedness.
  • It’s not a criticism; it’s an accurate observation, and a fact.

So men—a plea. We could use your help like you’ve had and still have ours for: labor movements, civil rights demonstrations, LGBT rights, DAPL pipeline. [men have rarely worked for ‘women’s’ causes: ERA, abortion rights, equal pay for equal work on par to us women supporting other social justice issues]

Don’t make us do it without you. We like you and want you as allies. We may be mad at the global mess y’all have made—and keep making—but in most cases it’s not personal. It is however essential to safeguard the earth, to save ourselves.

If you’re not doing “it,” then don’t take it personally; take ACTION. Please stand with us and don’t retreat, returning to the white male whine of “not ALL men” as an excuse not to show up for us. We need the rest & best of you—now—like never before.

men can ‘hate’ patriarchy, too


Over dinner one night, a (male) friend teasingly said, “But you hate men.”

I laughed and said, “No, not men—patriarchy, and entitlement which harms both genders.” I paused then continued, “It’s not my fault that the most entitled group in the U.S. happens to be white males.” He nodded.

Not counting my jesting friend, I’ve found it amazing that when I point out the evident, others inject an assumptive opinion about what I mean or think, often trying to discount me personally for noticing and speaking up.

This is especially true if I verbalize anything to do with patriarchy. In my experience, the tetchiest people in the world are men. I’m old-ish now and I’ve been talking about the damage patriarchy has had on women, men, children, fauna, flora, dirt and the galaxies since I was a teenager, yet I can count on three fingers the times a man wasn’t defensive about this. You know, the tired (and dismissive) trope, “Not all men.” This is especially true as income level rises.

First, no one is talking about You unless You identify with what is being seen/said.

Secondly, if something is obvious, it’s still not personal. It’s just obvious.

Thirdly, I’m not the only person who can identify this as a problem [see: testosterone: the most lethal substance on earth (george carlin)]. Observing something—female or male—doesn’t mean anyone’s choosing sides. Just because I see it and I’m female doesn’t mean I fabricated it or that it’s erroneous.

I’m on the side of ‘truth,’ not gender, the side of repeated empirical and anecdotal evidence. I just want “it” to get better, people—not to be right, which, BTW, tends to be more of a male concern.

Zen tenet suggests that misery comes from not accepting “what is.” If you can’t look out at our world and not see that women are often prey, do 70% of the world’s work, bring home 17-30 % less than men (look it up)—just because, have males trying to regulate their wombs with laws and panels to discuss reproductive rights populated only by men, carry the emotional bulk of ‘relationships,’ put in 4-5 more hours per week of domestic-related work than men, and that 95-97% of mainstream media, movies, TV are created by men most of which rarely pass the Bechdel Test, ad infinitum, ad nauseum…then you don’t have senses.

Women don’t cause the majority of the world’s conflict, are rarely terrorists, attackers, molesters, mass shooters nor do they blow the tops off of mountains, clear-cut, create CAFOs or—basically—throw Planet Earth under the bus. No, they don’t. See rabble, rabble, rabble : : women create, men destroy for more rant-ress information.

How about stepping out of denial and step up to acknowledgment. The first course of action in healing anything is to accept “what is,” to name it. If you won’t do that, there are no other moves.

As Schopenhauer said: All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident. Let’s race for Self-Evident, okay?

testosterone: the most lethal substance on earth (george carlin)

It’s not that I never feel sorry for boys or for men; I do. They live within this patriarchal system just as women and all the rest of the species on the planet have to. But then again, no other species constructed that paradigm, did they?

So—we should grieve for the stagnant boys who don’t strive in school and generate “arousal addiction issues” within themselves?” (Arousal addiction: you want different, not just more). I realize Philip Zimbardo is only trying to illuminate this declining aspect of society but there’s a choice going on here. Should we commiserate with males who don’t try? (girls outperform boys at all levels from elementary to graduate schools) You don’t have the same choices if you’re socially *disadvantaged by being born of the “lesser” gender, one of the “minor” races, deformed, neuro-diverse, etc.

But, if you’re from an entitled group that chooses to move towards Loser-ville, it’s difficult to sympathize as much. Except—what about all the straight females who can’t find decent males to befriend, laugh & talk with, share food, sex, music, children with, marry or just date?

Boys—Zimbardo says—no longer know the language of “face contact” because of “excessive internet use…video gaming/porning.” He says the average boy watches 50 porn clips a week!! Stats weren’t given for hours spent gaming. For every 400 films made in Hollywood there are 11K porn videos made; what number do adult men see? In 2009, a Canadian study wanting to measure the impact of pornography on 20-something men was cancelled. The reason? Researchers couldn’t find a control group of men in their 20s who hadn’t consumed porn.

Last February, Bill Maher discussed this trend: “I’m not anti-porn. I’m just saying masturbation has its place and that place is Plan B, when you can’t get the real thing…now psychologists are telling us that for a sizable percentage of men in America, masturbating to porn is Plan A, and doing it with your wife or girlfriend is more like a fallback option…you literally jack yourself into a corner.”

And lastly, I bring you George Carlin: The Male Disease, where I quote, “All the problems in the world…can be traced to what fathers do to their sons.” (patriarchy in action)

Okay parents, time to step in. Ooops, except some of you parents are male. Well, then time to undo what was chosen by you, learned or given to you. Be ‘tasteful’ role models please: overcome your biology and your upbringing. You owe it to the human race to fulfill the term human. The planet is at stake.

Many of us are waiting, and waiting and waiting and waiting…

*valued from patriarchal paradigm standards

in the USA, black men got the vote before white women


When Obama was just a Chicagoian gleam in the eyes of the political machine I asked my quasi-spouse who he thought would be elected first: a black man or a white woman. He hmmmmed and said he thought a white woman would be chosen as there was still a lot of racism out there.

And, yes, there still is a lot of racism out there but not like the invisible-below-all-noses-glass-ceiling-perfect-mom-hot body-rape-culture-conservative-sexism in the USA, and obvious violent sexism of Taliban-face-acid-genital-mutilation-stoning-to-death-sexism that exists in other parts of our planet. [see: acid, and not the hallucinogenic kind]

The hatred of women is world wide. Very few women I know—black or white—given the question of whether a white woman or a black man would be elected would have ever picked the white woman. We know what we know.

Example: 3/9/2011 was the 100th anniversary of International Women’s Day. How many of you knew, be you male or female? Any press you saw outside of feminist or European media sites talk about it? I had six relatively progressive women over to my house and only one was aware of this hallmark. Believe me, if this were a man’s holiday we’d have not only been inundated with bullshit about it but we may have gotten the day off, too.

IMHFO (fill in ‘feminine’ or ‘fucking’ or both for the F), the world will not change until there are many, many women in political positions of power. Not necessarily because we’re better—many women are indoctrinated by the patriarchal paradigm, too—but because we think and value differently. And as Albert Einstein has been bumpersticker-ed to have said: “The problems we face will not be solved by the minds that created them.”

ding! ding! philosophical baby-barbed mini-rants

While sitting in the friends & family section at a Modest Mouse concert–during a break between bands–I felt like I should make an effort to get to know some of the people I was sitting with since I’d gotten these back stage tix free. I’m a person not so good at the talk-of- the-small but nonetheless I turned to the guy next to me and said, “You have any pet peeves?” He immediately answered with a well thought out complaint, which surprised me for two reasons: he was in his 50’s, and he was male. Men certainly have complaints (usually about women) but they’re not often as deep or thought out as most women’s thoughts.

Notice, I said “often” and “most” not the absolutes? ’cause there will be lots written about the omnipresent and universal, underneath everyone‘s nose dismissal of women-thought, women-speak, women-life; try not to make it absolute in your “hearing” when I bitch about patriarchy, which BTW, hurts everyone on the planet from krill to corporate white men.

The quasi-spouse is a bit weary of me ranting to him for 17 years and has affectionately pointed out that since I’m a writer I should: Most of this mini-rants will be 250-500 words. Short & shining.

And that male friend I mentioned above? That was the start of a witty, bantering, introspective, misanthropic friendship of somewhat cynical, usually amicable, humor-dotted, baby-barbed mini-rants. This is the blogspot I’m going to place mine. Welcome to the frivolity! Get ranty!!