newness: wagging dicks, bouncing bosoms, part 1

Glitter, glitter, spoil and twitter.

NEW is one of the best-loved buzz words of advertisers, because it can grab immediate gratification impulse attention. It’s easy, as in sleazy.

On the other hand, the relaxed familiar is often dismissed as workaday drudge instead of cherished like broken-in boots or a favorite sweater. Favorite used to mean something one enjoyed and wanted to have again and again, like Queen Anne cherries or red wine. Somehow, whatever thing/experience has been untried is now the desired median in the U.S.: “extreme” “fresh” “novel” are cool!

Nowhere is NEW the most shaken & stirred as in un-sampled sexual partners. So, here’s a shorthand guide to securing the attention of mercurial men and women devoid of any discernible integris core, who—IMHO—within the last 15-20 years have been rising up like zombies in Shawn of the Dead:

A man, quite simple:

  1. Shake “the twins” or some “bootylicious-ness” near his eyes. Pretend you’re hot for him. Done.
  2. Call upon his inner compulsion to be the hero. Let him rescue you. Too tempting for most men to pass on this, since adoration is the hero’s opium. Cleavage helps here, too.

Warning: the above ephemeral tools have early expiration dates since they’re based in the different/unfamiliar state which by definition cannot last long.

How to get a woman, even a young hottie, when you—the man—are not so? Wagging a dick in her face won’t cut it at all; ‘turkey gizzard’ is what my long ago best friend labeled a man’s package. Instead, feign interest in her without looking at her boobies even if they are bejeweled with DIVA across them and:

  1. target her psychic wound; sympathize and connect with it. Then you can manipulate her all you want and she’ll tumble right into bed with you. This could work for the long term if you’re willing to listen to her prattle on about said torment and give her faux empathy. However, if you’re the transitory soulless type, most likely impatience will set in after the fun sexual hijinks become tarnished tediousness having been “experienced” one too many times.

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